WHY DO YOU GIVE US THE WRONG ANSWERS
Better be wise by the misfortunes of
Others than your own
Aesop
In the beginning, my generation heard exactly the same propaganda that your parents fed to you. For example when I was a child I was taught that mother knew best. “Look both ways before you cross the street,” she said. If I didn’t listen, a car hit me. Very effective. Right? I am willing to bet your mom told you the same thing.
When I was in my teens, this faith that my parents had all the answers began to fade. “Stop smoking those disgusting cigarettes,” said my mother. This time I ignored her. What did she know? SHE was addicted to alcohol and you know what that did to her.
Once I began school, my teachers said, “Cheaters don’t prosper.” I knew that was rubbish. If I looked at the guy’s paper next to me, we both passed the exam and who remembered the answer to those ridiculous tests the next week anyway? In those days, if you complained about your teacher, you had to sit outside in the hall.
Those lessons we learned then were pounded into our heads over and over and we believed them. The policeman is your friend. Evil is punished. Pretty is as pretty does. That is where we are coming from.
Today, most of us know in our heads that these are ridiculous assumptions, but they guided us when we were young and we cannot let them go. That is why your mother’s advice won’t help your social life. Your mother grew up in a time when a girl’s looks determined her future. If you didn’t look like a magazine centerfold, you were destined to live a barren life alone as a librarian, a secretary or a nun. Catching a man was a fundamental life skill for your mom. Looking gorgeous wasn’t a choice for her. It meant her survival.
YOU don’t need to worry about silly things like that. You are free to use your mind. Marriage is an option, not a goal. You can run a marathon and sweat…. You don’t have to wear a bra. Your mother didn’t have that freedom.
The worst response you can give to your mother’s advice is “Are you out of your mind?” Because the truth is, she isn’t. She is living in her own past, not yours. Getting a guy is not a major goal these days. Living a life is. You can have sex and never see the guy again. You have the pill. All she had was a coat hanger.
We love to give you advice that worked 30 years ago because we want you to avoid the mistakes we made. We love you, remember? The catch is that now isn’t 30 years ago, is it? I mean 30 years ago we ate rich, goopy potatoes dripping in fat and didn’t feel guilty; when we acted funny, they locked us in the attic, and being an altar boy was our first sexual experience. You were a slut if you had sex on the first date. Now you’re a slut if you don’t. Times have changed.
Look at the workplace. The one we knew doesn’t exist. Your dad is not going to be able to help you find a job because he doesn’t know about on line applications. He read the want ads. His advice won’t work because the job he had doesn’t exist anymore. You dad believes you need a pay check you can count on because HIS parents told him that is what honorable men had. Girls stayed home, had babies and cooked dinner. My buddy Charlie Gunther told me, “I’d never send my girls to college. It is a waste of money. Why did you bother?”
See what I mean?
I can still remember complaining to my mother because my social life was dead. She said, “Sign up for a modeling class.” This was back in the fifties and I knew there were better ways to spark up my night life than learning to walk with a book on my head.
My mother was telling me how she got my father back in the early thirties. My father was a workaholic who played golf every day. He left before I woke up and came home after I was in bed. I was certainly NOT going to toddle with a book on my head for THAT kind of relationship. I opted to sample everything out there and keep my relationships brief and interesting.
NOW I am 79 years old, and my goals for romance have changed because I have changed. These days, I look for someone with a fat wallet and a full head of hair. So don’t ask ME for advice on how to find a lover…I would tell you to shop for survivors at funerals.
If you want the right answers to help you solve the challenges you face in life, ask someone your age. They have been where you are and they will tell you what they did to make it all work. If you want a glimpse into the past so you can see how lucky you are to be living in today’s world, ask us, but for heaven’s sake don’t do what we say. It’s not that we’re stupid…just out of date.
