{"id":15448,"date":"2014-11-18T17:09:32","date_gmt":"2014-11-19T01:09:32","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/forallevents.com\/reviews\/?p=15448"},"modified":"2014-11-18T17:09:32","modified_gmt":"2014-11-19T01:09:32","slug":"view-from-across-the-pond-kids","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/forallevents.com\/reviews\/view-from-across-the-pond-kids\/","title":{"rendered":"VIEW FROM ACROSS THE POND: KIDS"},"content":{"rendered":"

I DON\u2019T WANT TO BE A YOUNGSTER ANYMORE
\n<\/strong>
\nWe worry about what a child will become tomorrow,
\nyet we forget that he is someone today.
\nStacia Tauscher<\/p>\n

American children are parental badges of achievement.\u00a0 Proud parents put bumper stickers on their cars saying MY KID IS AN HONOR STUDENT.\u00a0 This doesn\u2019t say much for the parent does it?\u00a0 In my day, a kid was a goat.<\/p>\n

American parents are intimidated by their children.\u00a0 If mother says a harsh word, the child can report her to the police.\u00a0 It seems a bit extreme to me to put mom in jail just to get an extra helping of chocolate cake.<\/p>\n

Parents are learning to fight back.\u00a0 If a child gets out of hand, they just open the gun cabinet and let him play.<\/p>\n

American children never walk home from school.\u00a0 They take the bus.\u00a0 This explains why 97% of school bus drivers are psychopaths and none of them are paedophiles.\u00a0 They know what children are really like.\u00a0 They prefer prostitutes.\u00a0 At least you get what you pay for.<\/p>\n

If the bus driver wants to shut the children up he slams on his brakes.\u00a0 That will throw them into the aisle.\u00a0 Then he can just toss each one out at his stop.<\/p>\n

The only catch is that American children are obese. That is why all school bus drivers are work out a t the gym.\u00a0 Muzzling a 500 pound child is a job requirement.<\/p>\n

If a bus driver wants to avoid trouble, he should give every child candy laced with Valium \u2026and save some for himself.<\/p>\n

Whenever I see a child on a leash, I always wonder if the mother remembered the plastic bag.<\/p>\n

I hear there is a campaign in Britain to get the kids away from their computer games to play outdoors.\u00a0 We have solved that in America.\u00a0 We don\u2019t have an outdoors.\u00a0 We just have shopping malls.<\/p>\n

Every American parent thinks his child is a potential movie star.\u00a0 I think it is a devious way to get junior out of the house.\u00a0 If he gets into a movie, the producer pays the baby sitter.<\/p>\n

My friend Billy has a son he is grooming for stand-up comedy.\u00a0 \u201cHe is an amazing talent,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cHe can only say one word, but his timing is amazing.\u201d He has auditioned the boy for American\u2019s Got Talent and Billy insists his son stole the show.\u00a0 \u201cHe bit Peers Morgan,\u201d he said. \u201cAnd he didn\u2019t get indigestion.\u201d<\/p>\n

American children spend approximately 98% of their waking hours in front of a television screen and they think what they see on that screen is reality.\u00a0 Several years ago, an eight year old grabbed the family gun (everyone who is anyone in America has one) and shot member of his third grade class.\u00a0 He had a huge smile on his face.\u00a0 He had no idea that bullets kill and he had no concept of what killing really means.\u00a0\u00a0 After all, the guy that gets shot on TV always reappears the next week, doesn\u2019t he?<\/p>\n

Protecting our children from harm has become a universal nightmare.\u00a0 The real victims are the parents who spend 50% of their time chauffeuring their children from one supervised activity to another.\u00a0 I wonder if that is the real meaning of \u201cno child left behind.\u201d<\/p>\n

NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND is an educational program in the states that fires teachers if their students don\u2019t meet a national minimum score on a standardized test.<\/p>\n

.\u00a0 For my part, I wouldn\u2019t mind being left behind.\u00a0 It would give me time to actually learn something.<\/p>\n

When I was a kid, children bullied each other but we didn\u2019t kill them.\u00a0 We didn\u2019t know that was an option.<\/p>\n

When I was young, mother knew best, daddy was in charge and the teacher was always right. These days, mother is overworked, daddy is an idiot and they both sue the teacher if their kid fails a test.<\/p>\n

Parents always worry that they will do some terrible thing to warp their children for life.\u00a0 I think it is time for parents to have a few rights.\u00a0 If you can\u2019t stand your kid, YOU\u00a0 move out\u00a0 Let him figure out how to cook dinner.\u00a0 That is tough love.<\/p>\n

Kids: they dance before they learm
\nthere is anything that isn\u2019t music.
\nWilliam Stafford<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I DON\u2019T WANT TO BE A YOUNGSTER ANYMORE We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet we forget that he is someone today. Stacia Tauscher American children are…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"yasr_overall_rating":0,"yasr_post_is_review":"","yasr_auto_insert_disabled":"","yasr_review_type":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[837],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-15448","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-joe-cillo"},"yasr_visitor_votes":{"stars_attributes":{"read_only":true,"span_bottom":"